Ask Julia 6: Why do I feel so alone when I know I have great friends?

Why do I feel so alone when I know I have great friends? Sometimes I feel so lonely and I only really exist when someone needs something from me. But I know that I have great friends and a cool friend group that I love so I don’t get why I feel this way. I hate that feeling too, I’ve never really felt like I truly fit in anywhere but feeling alone when I know I have friends is the worst thing. I often also blame myself for this feeling. Am I right in doing so?

Loneliness is not the same thing as actually being alone. Being alone just means that you are not around other people. Loneliness is the feeling you have when you don’t feel connected to people. That doesn’t mean that you actually don’t have connections, just that you feel that way. You can be surrounded by all your favorite people in the world and still feel lonely, and that’s completely normal, so do not blame yourself for feeling this way.

There are a lot of reasons why you could feel lonely. There could be a specific event that you are dealing with, like a breakup or a death. But you might just be a little bit depressed, which is nothing to feel guilty or bad about. Something that helps me is to not put too much pressure on feeling happy or connected when I’m feeling down. That can lead to even more feelings of inadequacy. Just try to accept your feelings as they come. If they persist, you could try talking to someone you trust, or perhaps a mental health professional.

Finally, I wanted to touch on what you said about only feeling like you exist when someone needs something from you. Think about if there might be some truth to that. If there is, you probably need to set some boundaries so you don’t get taken advantage of. This is something to pay attention to. You should also make sure to remember to do things for yourself, including asking for things from others. You exist for you, not for anyone else. I hope you feel better soon, but also remember that there’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of if you don’t.

I was broken up with a little while ago and I’m still really struggling with it. I was already struggling with feelings of loneliness and self esteem before the break up, but now I feel almost completely alone and my confidence is shot. I’m trying to focus more on myself but I keep noticing small changes in the way they act around me over time that make me feel worse and worse. I’m trying to figure out how to get back to the place I was before the breakup but feel completely lost. What should I do?

Breakups are hard, but getting broken up with absolutely does not mean that you aren’t worthy of care and love. It makes total sense that you don’t feel super confident right now, but try not to let what your ex thinks define you. Don’t over-analyze your ex’s actions towards you. That will get you nowhere. If it’s really hurting your self esteem, you should probably avoid them if possible. As I told the previous asker, loneliness is not the same as being alone. I’m sure that you feel lonely, but try to remember that there are still other people in your life besides your ex. You are not alone. As always, I recommend talking to someone you trust or a mental health professional. You are loved.

One of my friends constantly mispronounces my name. How can I tell them without being rude?

I think you can just tell them that they are pronouncing your name wrong, and then tell them how to say it correctly. Don’t be overly aggressive, since your friend probably won’t respond very well to that. However, I wouldn’t worry too much about being rude. It’s not a big ask for someone to pronounce your name correctly; it’s basic respect. Don’t be afraid to remind your friend if they get it wrong again. If they get upset at being corrected, or refuse to learn how to say your name, then maybe they aren’t the kind of person that you want to be friends with. Good luck!

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