Room 22 is the dark and dismal secret of Sequoyah. It lurks in the corner of the second floor and is hidden by the administrative office and music room. There is something undeniably magical about a hidden area, a place to dream, a spare room with a large mysterious wardrobe. I wish I could tell you that Room 22 was something like that, but it is hidden away for an entirely different reason. Room 22 is hidden away from the public eye because of its dangerous history.
The Barefoot Times has obtained exclusive information from a source who wishes to remain anonymous and will therefore be referred to as L. Pettit. L. Pettit was the only human brave enough to share the enigmatic history of Room 22. On the edge of campus farthest away from Room 22, I met Pettit and we sat down to discuss the urban legend. We chatted about the deepest secret of the room and she told me that “Room 22 was once the bedroom of the late great Baron Percival Pemberley,” a well-known philanthropist in the 19th Century. You might recognize his name from the PPA (Pastafarian Philanthropic Association) as he was the founder. But what could be so scary about the late great Baron Percival Pemberley? Pettit says “[he] was decapitated by his wife after she found out he was having an affair.” Not only does this call into question the Baron’s legacy, but it also raises another question. How was the Baron decapitated? L. sheds some light on this situation explaining, “she threw their pet armadillo Jordan at him and the armadillo was holding a sword and it chopped his head off.” Pettit sums up the story with an ominous warning: “That is why Room 22 was haunted and if you look hard enough, you can see the giant shadow of an armadillo against the back wall.”
Wait…What!? Is Room 22 even safe to occupy if there is a murderous armadillo ghost haunting it? The informant says Percival Pemberly is “annoyed at his wife because she indirectly decapitated him with a flying armadillo. But he’s pretty nice to everyone else.” So fear not. They warn that the only reason you should worry about 22 is if you have a class there, because “it’s so sequestered that no one can hear you scream.”
With that in mind, venture into Room 22 if you dare. You could find a friendly Baron and murderous ghost or a quiet area to reflect on life. No matter what you do, don’t forget to tell someone where you’re going. And pay close attention to the immortal words of L. H. Pettit: “This is all fake. You know that, right?”
Flying spaghetti monster propaganda 🙂